Why aren't you a Trump supporter?

Let us count the ways. Captain Obvious says:

Those are a few reasons off the top of my head. How ’bout you?

When I go Greenland shopping and Denmark says no I don’t melt down like a fucking WIMP

How do flat earthers explain the Earth being stationary? Is this concept considered impossible?

It’s uncool to lurk around teenage girls’ dressing rooms

I know who the president of Turkey really is

I’ve never tried to pretend the word would means wouldn’t

What would it take for you to consider yourself a "Swiftie" like Flavor Flav?

I don’t respect a sleazeball who lies about his height just so he can lie about his weight

I don’t believe that Saudi Arabia and Russia “will vedoop bedeep uhhhh”

I have no sicko desire to control women or have a bizarro hangup with “blood”

How did a computer scientist such as Geoffrey Hinton manage to win a Nobel Prize in physics when computer science already has its own Nobel Prize equivalent in the Turing Awards?

I can read

I know the difference between Sioux City and Sioux Falls and even Sioux Center

I know that sounds DO NOT cause cancer.

Why does Africa have all mineral resources but she is suffering economically?

EVEN FUCKING MIKE PENCE understands that

I don’t believe Nazis, Klan klowns and white supremacists chanting “Jews will not replace us” comprise “very fine people”

I can count

Does anyone wear see-through clothes to show off underwear?

If someone works for me, I actually pay them

I don’t hold serial bankrupters in high regard

I don’t pretend not to know who David Dooky is just because he can deliver votes

Why is North Korea a jail?

I don’t watch or listen to advertising

I respect women and don’t respect those who don’t

I don’t believe in asking the people of Iowa “how stupid are the people of Iowa”

What was the first Native American tribe to inhabit Long Island, NY?

I don’t believe there is a fucking “president of the Virgin Islands”

I know the difference between “give me your tired, your poor” and “they’re poisoning our blood”

Fuck that piece of orange shit, fuck his idiocracy, fuck his sexism, fuck his racism, fuck his religionism, fuck his divisionism, fuck his lying, fuck his orange face paint, fuck his worship of Cult of Ignorance, fuck his Cult, fuck his jingoistic horseshit, fuck his manuipulations, fuck his toddler-age WIMPism, fuck his fucked-up values of ME ME ME and did I mention ME, and fuck him personally with a giant razor sharp dildo that’s been preheated to 204.7° F and built to the dimensions of the Washington Monument. Slowly.

What toxic behavior has been normalized by society?

I don’t respect shameless hucksters who try to sell a vitamin where you have to mail in your pee

I know what Nikki Haley’s authority with the National Guard is

I understand geography enough to know that Belgium is not a “beautiful city”, that Paris is not in fucking Germany, that India does share a border with China, that that border is peppered with Bhutan and Nepal, not “Button” and “Nipple”, that time zones exist, that “shithole countries” do not, that “England” and “the UK” are not the same thing, that you cannot build a wall in Colorado to keep out New Mexico, and that the Bronx is not and has never been “a very wonderful place in fucking Germany”

Are there any nude pictures of women with big tits?

I understand that you can’t just fucking nuke a hurricane

I know that if I or anyone I know commits a crime we’ll go to the clink

I didn’t get out of military service with fucking “bone spurs” that I paid a doctor to write

Why do I sweat so much? I’m 17 but I feel like I always need to re-apply deodorant and I am always self-conscious that I smell because I feel sweat under my arms.

I don’t buy made-up stories of “thousands and thousands of people dancing on rooftops”

I understand that when you lose an election you step the fuck aside and take it like a man rather than invade the Capitol while your loss is being made official just because you’re a fucking snowflake WIMP

I know there’s no such thing as invisible planes

If you could instantly cancel one social norm, what would it be?

I have a reading level above third grade

I don’t run and hide from a debate like a fucking WIMP just becuase some moderator asked pointed questions

I have complete contempt for fakery

Why does my dog keep licking at her privates now? She is 7 years old and has barely started licking there. The vet said she’s fine but she keeps doing that.

I see through liars

I actually pay taxes

It’s uncool to set up soft porn pics with your own preteen daughter

I have complete contempt for traitorism

I don’t cotton to rapists

I respect other cultures and don’t respect those who don’t

I have an acute aversion to scumbags

I know the difference between “George Bush” and “Jeb Bush”

I don’t buy bullshit

I understand that you can’t inject bleach or light

A real man doesn’t grab women by the p***y

I have complete contempt for intentional stupidity

authoritarians can get down on the floor and bite my ass, yesterday

I have complete contempt for fraudsters, and even less for repeat ones

I understand how hurricane paths work

I know that he didn’t run against “Obamna”

I don’t call Tim Cook “Tim Apple” and if I do I don’t deny what’s right there on the videotape because I’m too much of a fucking WIMP to handle Reality

I understand historical events enough to know there were no airports in the eighteenth century, that Canada didn’t burn the White House half a century before it existed and that World War Two already happened

I took the same Oath and took it seriously

I don’t believe the way to respond to a hurricane is to call a press conference to describe it as “wet from the standpoint of water”, to distribute Play Doh, or to stand at a podium throwing rolls of paper towels as if they were bottles of ketchup

When a reporter declines to join me in the rooftops fantasy I don’t go on stage and gyrate to mock his congenital disability

I don’t hide in my hotel room while everybody else keeps the appointed time and place because my hair might get wet